It can be upsetting to discover that your teen is sexually active. They may misinterpret your silence and reactions to this news as judgement, which could lead to more secrets, sex sneaking and shame about their body or sexuality.
Talking about it calmly and listening to them can help you understand what they are doing, and why.
1. Talk to Your Teen
Talking with your teen about masturbation and safe sex hangouts isn’t easy, but it can help you prevent unplanned pregnancies and STDs. It’s important to have the talk before your teen gets into any sexual activity. It’s also important to continue the conversation as they get older.
Be prepared to answer questions about sex, consent, and abuse. Take some time to learn more about these topics yourself so you can be confident when having the discussion with your teen. You can also ask your teen to read up on the topic so they can have some idea what you’re talking about.
Don’t make the conversation feel like an interrogation. If your teen feels like they’re being judged for their choice or that you think it’s gross or disgusting, they’ll be less likely to discuss it in the future or share any other sensitive information with you.
Be sure to talk about your own experiences with dating and sex so they can understand that you’re not trying to impose your values or judgement on them. Teens need to know that you see them as unique individuals and that you love them – not because of how well they play basketball or what grades their friends are getting. Comparing them to their brothers or sisters isn’t productive and will only alienate them from you.
2. Set Aside Some Time
Talking to your teen about sex and sexuality can be a difficult conversation, so it’s important to make sure that you have enough time set aside in order to discuss it calmly. Pick a time of day that is free from distractions and allows you both to fully focus on the discussion at hand. Be prepared to answer any questions that they may have for you and try to remain calm throughout the entire conversation.
3. Make It Fun
If you’re going to bring up the topic of sex, you want it to be in an atmosphere where your teen will feel comfortable. This means setting aside a time that is free from distractions and isn’t too stressful for the both of you. It’s also a good idea to turn the conversation into more of a discussion rather than a lecture so your teen can hear both sides of the story. According to the Mayo Clinic, this can help avoid your teen becoming defensive and will give you an opportunity to talk about your own feelings and experiences as well.
Once you’ve had a productive conversation, it can be helpful to invite your teen’s friends over to your house so they can continue the discussion in a safe and familiar environment. This will also allow you to keep up with their lives without prying too much or trying to control what they’re doing.
4. Let Them Talk
Whether you like it or not, you are going to have lots of conversations with your teen about sexuality. This may be uncomfortable at times, but it’s important to have these discussions so that your teen is prepared and knows how to have safe, respectful relationships. It’s also a great opportunity to show your teen that you love and care about them, even if it’s a difficult topic.
Keep in mind that teens don’t usually come to you with their sexual questions unless they feel pressured or are unsure how to say no to something they know is wrong. It’s best to have open conversations as often as possible to prevent these kinds of situations. In addition, you should ask your teen about which other trusted adults they can talk to if they are feeling uncomfortable or need advice.
It’s also important to talk to your teen about pornography, and how it can give them the wrong information about sex. You can do this by asking them what they think of porn and how it might affect their relationship with a partner, or how it could lead to them not being able to trust others. You should also tell them about your own experiences with porn and how it impacted your life, so they can learn from your mistakes.
